


And I came back haunted

by heronlibra



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Angst, Comissioned fic, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rated T for grima being a bitch, but its ok because chrom does too, robin has a lot of issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-08 04:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21230123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heronlibra/pseuds/heronlibra
Summary: Chrom and Robin have defeated Grima. Ylisse and Plegia are united under their marriage. Everything is happy and peaceful now — Right? Well, war leaves scars. Lots of them, deep under the surface, just waiting to be reopened. Fic commissioned by a friend!





	1. Smoke and mirrors

Ylisse was burning.

Thick black smoke poured from the castle and Robin was in the heart of it all, six eyes burning on his face, magic swirling in his palms as he stared down at the Ylissean prince, who was bleeding profusely. Robin — No,  _ Grima, _ swirled the ball of miasma just above his vessel’s palm. “It’s such a shame Lissa died so quickly. I hoped to torment you longer with her agonized screaming.” Grima sighs, smiling maliciously as he watched Chrom struggle to get up. “Go on! Pick Falchion from your steward’s side! Strike it against me, Chrom! You can’t … you’re pathetic.” And the scream that the prince released from his throat in response was fury, fear, feral and primal — as Robin flicked his wrist and sent the magic spinning, watching Chrom’s body crumple. “Now … nothing will stand in my way. I will raze these lands as is my divine right as the Fell dragon!” 

Robin woke suddenly to the sensation of Chrom shaking his shoulders, eyes wide and frantic. “Robin!” The tactician-king inhaled sharply and shrugged away from his husband, taking in a deep, shaky breath. “You were yelling in your sleep again. Is everything alright?” Robin swallowed dryly, feeling the sweat on his back, the exhaustion in his ribs. 

“I’m fi —“

“Don’t start that again. No, you aren’t. Please, Robin.” Chrom’s hands laid themselves atop Robin’s, worry deep in his cobalt blue eyes. “Please. Don’t keep this in. Not from me.” Their foreheads pressed together, Robin had no choice but to meet his husband’s gaze as he tried to figure out how to vocalize his feelings. 

“I had that dream again. The one where I k … where I kill … the one where Ylisse is in flames and burning, and it’s all my fault. The one where I am Grima, and I can’t do anything but watch as the life drains out of you. That dream, Chrom. Again, and again. As though I am being tormented by my own subconscious.” Robin drew a shuddery breath, already feeling the tears falling out of his eyes. He also felt Chrom brush them away with his thumb, felt the intake of breath from his husband’s lips. 

“Oh, Robin. You’re not Grima. Sure, he used you — But you’re not the same person. I know it to be the truth, my dear man, my everything.” Chrom nuzzled his face into the top of Robin’s head, allowing the tactician-king to cry silently against his shoulder. “It was just a dream. You’re alright.” But Robin didn’t believe it. He instead held tight onto Chrom, thinking about the noise of his heartbeat in his chest and the feeling he had, so vividly, of Falchion cutting deep into his skin and rendering him immobile. He thought about the feeling of Chrom’s blood on his hands and the anger and fury in his cobalt eyes. The pain, the anguish, all caused by him — The fell dragon’s vessel. But what if it wasn’t just a dream? What if it was real, in some timeline somewhere, where he lost control and killed them all? He remembered Lucina’s steeled gaze when she talked about the future to her fathers, but he also remembered the long periods of silence with her when she would re-live the horrors she saw, eyes glazed over, hands trembling, a cold sweat on her hands.

He remembered waking her from it and her drawing Falchion, looking terrified and aggressive before she realized who she was speaking to, and lowered it. If she’d grown up so scared of him, of what he became, who was to say that he wasn’t still Grima, in some capacity? He knew the look on her face, the willingness to stand and fight tooth and nail. The therapist had called it Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. And when he thought of being the  _ source _ of it all, of her anguish and her animalistic, primal fear, it broke Robin’s heart in half, right down the middle. The Lucina they had now was sleeping soundly in her royal cradle, cherubic and soft. Angelic. He couldn’t think for a moment about hurting her when he held her little hand and when she babbled nonsense at him. But he did. He did, and that scared him. It terrified him. He couldn’t hold her for too long, even though she desperately wanted his attention, his affection.

He couldn’t look at his daughter on some days, knowing what she grew up to become, what she had to prevent. Knowing the weight of the world on her shoulders. His sobs increase and Chrom squeezes him tight, a sensation he knows Robin enjoys. “I’m,” He chokes out, voice soft and ragged, “Oh Gods, Chrom! You should have let me in that field, knowing what and who I am …” 

“What? No! I would never have —“

“Not for me, Chrom! For Lucina’s sake! It would take one surge of Grimleal for Grima to rise again, and what then? We make her go through losing everything a second time? But there’s no reversing it, not this time!”

“Robin!”

Chrom’s tone had become harsh. Angry. Robin flinched from it, pulling away to turn his back and curl up by himself. “... Robin.” Softer this time, Chrom put a hand on his husband’s shoulder. “You know I won’t let that happen. I know you won’t hurt her. I —“

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Robin stated with a tremor in his voice. “Not right now. Not tonight.” Frustrated, Chrom rolled back over too. “I’m sorry. Please try to go back to sleep, Chrom.” Easier said than done. He opened his mouth to protest again, but the wail of their daughter cut him off. There was a groan from the king of Ylisse as he rose to his feet, staring at Robin’s turned back. 

“Alright. But you’re not escaping our conversation. Hey, hold on Lucina, daddy’s coming …” Robin waited until he heard their daughter stop crying before he silently got up out of their bed as well, heading for one of the guest rooms for the night. He was dangerous, a ticking clock with a short fuse. And he loved his newfound family, he adored Chrom and of course Lucina, but he would hurt them both in due time. And Robin wasn’t sure if he could handle that. It would be better this way, if he isolated himself in his work, if he slept alone. Even if it felt like he was too small in the castle by himself, with his worries and the cold space in the bed behind him. The room was quiet, but not empty. It was filled with ghosts, all of which kept pulling on Robin’s shoddily patched wounds and re-opening them to feed off his insecurities. Sometimes, they used them to hurt Chrom. He felt so stupid, so angry with himself. Robin drifted into a restless sleep, and didn’t wake again until the next day dawned.


	2. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward ... next (and last) chapter: the reconciliation and things are looking up (finally!) Guest appearance: Libra!

Chrom woke to an empty spot in the bed and knew that Robin was still going through his own grief, his own turmoil. But damn, it hurt to know that he was doing this to himself again. Their breakfast was awkward, and Robin avoided looking at Chrom as he poured out his coffee into his usual cup. Chrom on the other hand, kept his gaze steady upon Robin’s face, seeing that his beloved had been crying the night before. Maybe he himself didn’t realize it, but that only made the King of Ylisse worry more. Lucina was sitting in her high chair, trying to get the tactician King’s attention, but Robin was ignoring her directly, and Chrom couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Robin,” He stated firmly, but gently enough to make the mage look up at him.

“Lucina is trying to …”

“Oh.” His voice was soft, raspy. No doubt from the screaming in his sleep. Had it happened again, when he left the comfort of their shared bed? Not knowing was going to drive him mad. He watched with tense shoulders as Robin turned to Lucina and gave her a smile, wiping her cheek free of food and laughing when she laughed. He relaxed just a little, seeing the adoration his husband held for their daughter. But he couldn’t stop thinking about what the tactician king had said. How afraid he was of hurting Lucina, how afraid he was of Grima’s return. Chrom’s free hand placed itself on Robin’s and the other man looked up, looking a bit less exhausted. “We’ll talk after breakfast. Frederick is handling most of the court today. I … had the therapist come back in.”

And the smile on Robin’s face died in the morning light.

“What? Why? Can you really afford to take the day off, just so that I can talk about my problems to the therapist?” Robin felt his mistake sink in already when Chrom frowned even deeper, and rubbed his forehead. “No, I — I didn’t mean —“

“Get dressed.” Chrom stated sharply, finishing off his breakfast and leaving Robin at the table with Lucina, clearly annoyed. The baby reached after her dad, but Chrom only stopped to tussle her hair before heading for the bathroom to get ready for the rest of their day. Robin kicked himself internally. Maybe he _ did _ need help, at least so he could stop making Chrom frown like that. He sighed as Lucina began to squirm in her seat, clearly indicating that she was done mashing her chubby little hands into her food before shoving it into her mouth. He helped her get cleaned up and put her down in her playpen, watching her shake the rattle and remembering again when that hand shook holding the quill in between its fingers.

Robin loved Lucina dearly. More than anything else in the world, probably. He loved her happy little babbling, her rounded and soft cheeks, her tiny little hands and her burning blue eyes, one of them marked with the brand. He held his head in his hands, only able to think of her adult self with her ambitious drive to right the world and all the apologies he never gave her. Chrom put a hand on his shoulder, and Robin looked up.

“... it’ll be okay. You can get ready. I’ll watch her. I love you.”

And that almost broke him, the steady feeling of Chrom’s hand on his shoulder, his gentle tone, the way that he said it so casually. “I love you too,” Robin managed with his voice thick before he stood and went to get his clothes from their closet, feeling over the thick fabric of his tactician’s coat where it hung. He hardly wore it anymore, but today felt like a day that warranted it. It was safe, and familiar. It was a day where he needed the heavy hood to hide the look in his eyes, to hide away from the world and pour his soul into his work. 

Robin dressed himself, trying to shake the cobwebs from his brain. Yet they persisted, little doubts creeping all over his thoughts and biting down where they could. This wasn’t going to be an instant fix, the therapist had said the first time. It was going to be a lifelong one. And if he had known that, would he have gone in the first place? If they weren’t married, if Chrom had been with someone else? 

Robin tried not to think about it.


	3. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s all going to be okay.

The therapist’s office was inviting and not overwhelmingly decorated, as Robin sat across from a familiar face. Libra, the ex-war cleric, gently scribbled notes on his friend and king’s file, half moon reading glasses sitting daintily on his face and framing his green eyes. “Now, Robin. I know you had a rough night. Would you like to elaborate on that?” His voice, soft and smooth like honey, made it easy for people to not only talk to Libra, but to tell him things that no one else would be able to coax from them. Robin swallowed hard, biting the inside of his cheek and debating how to answer.

“I had a nightmare about Grima,” Was the answer, as he stared up at the castle’s ceiling. “I killed Chrom. I taunted him. I … was going to continue onto the rest of Ylisse when he woke me.”

“Mm. And did you fight with him as a result?”

“Not … on purpose.” Robin exhaled hard, trying to control the tears that were threatening to rise from his emotions. ”But I got angry at myself and scared for Lucina. I … I could really hurt her.”

“Yes, I understand your trepidation. Your hesitation to get close to her, because you think that you’ll become Grima again. But know this, Robin. I am here to alleviate that fear, to help you to cope with it, and overcome it. The first step in doing so is to be honest with your feelings, and to air them all out in the open. Have you been practicing what I taught you the last time we spoke?”

Robin looked over. The breathing techniques, grounding methods. He nodded once, glancing at the ring on Libra’s hand. Had his friend gotten married without saying anything about it? That was so like him. 

“This source of trauma for you has stemmed from the war. And while it is recoverable from, it will take a long time. For the scars of war are what all the Shepherds bear for their contribution to the war. Would it help you to speak about it in a small group, or do you prefer our one-on-one meetings like this?”

Robin thought, staring up and out the window as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I could … try a group. After all, we were all there when … who would be in it?”

“Myself to mediate, lady Cordelia, his Highness, and lady Olivia.” Robin bit his lip. 

“Okay. Yeah, I think that’s do-able. Thanks, Libra.” Robin watched a small smile appear on the priest’s stern face. 

“It is nothing. Now, today I will be showing you how to catch yourself before you have episodes like last night, and how to re-direct your thinking in a more positive way. When you are ready, we will begin.” 

The tactician-king looked determined as he nodded, and the lesson began.

———————-

Robin left the side-study feeling much better thanks to the efforts of the newly christened Archbishop of Naga. Sure, he wasn’t  _ cured, _ he would possibly never be. These sorts of things had no concrete cure, Libra had made that very clear from their first session together. But he had methods to help, and most of all, he had Chrom by his side. Chrom, who he loved so dearly, and felt he owed an apology to. So he made his way down the hall, towards the throne room where the king of Ylisse tended to spend his time these days. The wings of Naga curled over the gold and blue throne where the king was usually seated, sunlight streaming through the stained glass and decorating the marble flooring in soft, pastel colors. Chrom himself was standing by the larger, regular window and reading something, lost in thought. 

Robin simply stared for a few minutes, admiring the strength of Chrom’s jaw and the intensity in his cobalt eyes. The slope of his slightly broken nose, his mouth half parted to mutter to himself, and the blue cape that draped over his broad shoulders and pooled onto the floor. He felt his heart beat faster, for Chrom was a handsome man and Robin was intensely lucky. He snuck up on his husband and curled his arms around his torso, nuzzling his face against the king’s back and breathing in the scent of his cologne and the cape. Chrom smelled like sandalwood and jasmine, and it was comforting for the tactician-king. 

“Chrom,” He began quietly, before the other man could even say anything. “I’m sorry. I know I hurt you. I didn’t — I can’t give you excuses. Only my apology, if you’ll have it.” 

He felt the inhale and exhale, heavy through his husband’s rib cage. “Of course I’ll have it. You’re the most important person in my life aside from Lucina. How are you feeling now, sweetheart?” 

Chrom was sweet. Much too sweet for his own good, sometimes. Robin laughed, pulling away when Chrom placed a hand on his arms to make him let go. Soon enough however, he was the one being hugged by the taller man, the cape curling around them both as Robin instead rested his head against his husband’s chest. “Better. I … Have a lot of work ahead of me to keep improving myself, but I know I can do it with you beside me.” He felt Chrom lean down and press a kiss to his cheek, felt the laugh in his throat as his husband pressed another to his forehead.

“And I know that with you by  _ my _ side, Robin … Lucina will grow up happy. I love you, don’t you ever forget that.”

Robin’s hands curled into a little fist against Chrom, as he felt his eyes well up again. “I love you too. I’ll … keep going. Keep pushing myself. Keep trying to get better, for you, for Lucina — And for me, too. Everything’s going to be alright.”

And much to his surprise, Robin felt Chrom lift him as he had their wedding night, he felt kisses against his mouth and his face, some against his neck too. Robin laughed this time, feeling his brown skin warm with his husband’s affection. “Chrom!”

“I think it’s break time. Why don’t we go check on Luci?”

“Yes. Yes, I would very much like to see her.” Robin rested his gloved hands on Chrom’s cheek to look at his smiling face, to give him a look that he hoped portrayed his love, his adoration, his everything. Every ounce of him loved Chrom. And every ounce of him was loved, too. “But she’s growing too fast, don’t you think?”

“Oh gods, no. She’s still our chubby little baby!”

“She’s gonna have to learn to walk soon, you know …”

“Noooo … Can’t she stay this size forever?”

“I’m afraid not. But maybe when she’s a little older … we can think about more children?”

Chrom seemed to pause in consideration as he walked them down the hallway, Robin’s arms around his neck, his nose nuzzling into the crook of the king’s neck.

“... I think that’s a grand idea. Every child needs siblings. You’re thinking of Morgan, aren’t you?”

“You read my mind. I  _ am _ thinking of Morgan.”

“Then in a few years … we’ll find another surrogate.”

“Oh, Chrom.”

Robin sighed loftily as he leaned up to kiss his husband on the mouth, soft and sweet and loving. His eyes fluttered shut, and as Chrom kissed him back, he knew it was going to be a long journey with the man he loved more than anything in the world. And for once, Robin didn’t consider the what-ifs.

He merely enjoyed the moment of intimacy, until he heard Lucina wailing for her daddy in her room, and Frederick’s ever-so-gentle words of encouragement for her. “Ah! Luci!”

“We’re coming, Lucina!”

Chrom set him down in front of her door and Robin kept smiling, hand in hand with him, as they went to go and spend time with their daughter. He really  _ was _ the luckiest man in all of Ylisse to have such a loving family. And he would protect them, no matter what came in the future. He swore it, as he watched Chrom pick Lucina from Frederick’s arms and her little chubby face broke into a smile, as happy and bright as the sun itself.


End file.
